#but then she has a dream and finally connects ''that kid'' with ''current friend'' aND REALIZES SHE DIDN'T JUST MAKE HIM UP

[variantia]

BELLUM. Elsa uncovering her repressed memories of baby Keigo and SCREAMING to her sister

Anna like "wow and I thought it was only MY memories that got messed with"

followed by her giggling as Elsa lets out a frustrated string of Norwegian curses HOW COULD HER MIND DO THIS TO HER

[starshideurfics]

Buzzed, Buzzing - part 2

part 1

Buzzed, Buzzing

JQ, you can’t go dropping TWO horny photoshoots on us in less than a week!

steddie, omegaverse, Buzzed part 2, mdni 🔞

Finally being with Eddie is a dream. At least for the week he’s in town, fully foregoing Steve’s guest room and its comfy mattress.

Instead, it’s a week of Eddie wrapped around Steve each night, skin touching skin, bodies sated in a bone-deep way Steve’s never felt before.

A week of waking up to Eddie’s lips on his neck, to whispers of, “Morning, Puppy,” and sleepy yawns, arms tugging him closer and closer.

A week of Robin saying, “I’m happy for you, truly, but could you try going five minutes without swapping spit?!” only for Eddie to look her dead in the eye and lick whatever part of Steve is closest to his mouth.

A week of Steve floating on a cloud of affection and hormones.

Then Eddie has to leave, head to Chicago and buckle down for long days filming.

Steve mopes their whole last morning, sneaking shirts out of Eddie’s suitcase until the alpha relents and dumps out his dirty laundry. “Put ‘em all in your nest, I can get new shirts.”

Steve purrs, gathers the shirts, and herds Eddie back to his room for a last quickie before Eddie’s Uber arrives.

Being apart sucks. They videochat daily, text constantly, but Steve still misses Eddie every second he’s gone. So, he’s back where he started, mooning over pics on his phone, scenting at Eddie’s boxers as he works three fingers into his aching pussy.

He’s holding out, but Steve is counting down the days until shooting wraps, when Eddie would fly straight to Indy.

Steve’s on his lunch break, typing out a response to Eddie’s latest text as he shove pretzel thins and hummus in his mouth, when his phone starts buzzing.

Robin is calling, from the other end of the building. “Hey, Robbie, need me to get you a coke zero?” he asks instead of saying hello.

“Don’t tell me you got rid of your Munson-stalking web alert, because that’s the only reason I can think of for why you aren’t freaking out!”

He did, not really needing it when he has Eddie checking in with him at least hourly. “What? Robin, I’m texting with Eddie right now, what do you think I missed?”

“Just, look him up; your ADHD gremlin boyfriend probably forgot to mention it!”

Steve opens google, starts typing Eddie’s name and only gets as far as “ED” before autofill finishes it for him.

A new photoshoot and accompanying interview. Steve gets caught by a photo of Eddie eating a peach. It’s such a thirst trap, but it makes Steve smile.

Besides, there are other notes, but Steve’s scent has always been peach-forward. It might be a coincidence. Steve doesn’t think it is.

He reads the interview; about his current project, lots on the movie coming out next month that filmed a year ago, and his costars including a chill cat.

But right under the peach picture is a question about his personal life, how he stays grounded and connected when he’s constantly moving around for work. 

Eddie starts, as he always does, with Wayne, his friends, his charity work, the arts scholarship he funds.

“The truth is that it’s all for my partner. Like, I want to put good into the world, help kids like me who didn’t have the best start in life, but my focus is on being good enough for him, being the kind of person he can be proud of.” 

The journalist asks him to elaborate.

She writes about Eddie’s smile, the small one where he averts his gaze, emotions too big to share. “I dunno, just that he’s got me beat by a mile—he’s a teacher, middle school, you know, the worst time in a kid’s life. And he loves it!”

More words on Eddie’s laugh and kind eyes.

“So, yeah, the people I love, the people who love me, that’s how I keep my head on straight. That’s what it’s all about, right? Family, friends. Pack.”

Steve’s vision goes blurry on the last little paragraph. He wipes the tears from his eyes and pulls out his phone.

Just read the article! I’ve always been proud of you ❤️

Three little dots appear immediately to show Eddie’s typing, but they disappear and instead Steve’s phone buzzes with a call.

“I forgot that was coming out today! I should have warned you!”

Steve grins. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not, but thank you. And it wasn’t too much? I’m trying to keep my private life private, but if I can’t talk to you, I wanna talk about you. All the time. Because I fucking miss you, Puppy.”

“It’s okay,” Steve reiterates. “I miss you, too. So much. Wish you were here.”

The whine he lets out makes Eddie chuckle, low and dark. “Wish I had you here, could show you how much I miss you. At least you’ve got some new visual aides, but maybe tonight, when I call you could show me… Get your fingers wet for me.”

Steve lets out another breathy whine. “Yeah, want that.” He presses his legs together, tries to tamp down the feelings of desire before he gets too wet at work. “Miss your fingers, though.”

“Good,” Eddie husks. Steve can hear him lick his lips, so he knows Eddie’s nervous. “And it was supposed to be a surprise. But I’ve got the weekend off. My flight gets in at 9 on Friday night.”

Now expanded into a full fic! Read here

[george228732]

Fylass Nolde (Final Reference Sheet/Masterpost)

Finally! Made a reference sheet that was appropiate for the boy.

''He's more than up to sacrifice everything he has and lacks, even his own humanity, if it meant that he'll be able to see the one future he desires - He'll burn the misfortune of the stories of the world, and from the ashes, he'll make his own, before his matches run out and his days of daydreaming go out with them.''

The rune on the top left of this picture is Fylass' symbol. Just like how Kirby has a Star, Susie has an H, Dedede has the hand one on his robes, etc.

He has a lizard belly! And more lizard attributes, besides the whole wings and all. His tail for example, is connected to his stomach; if he wants to store food/fat for later, he can store it in his tail and all! We love fictional anatomy.

In the first pic, you can see two things! That his wings are too short to use them to actually fly, but also that he can find walking a bit difficult depending on how full his sack is.

In the second pic, there are three things! He has another set of eyes above his regular ones which are just as functional, he has sharp teeth and all like a normal penguin, and second of, he has a bit of a forked tongue, like lizards!

In the third picture, you can see how Fylass is a bit of sleepy boy - he normally sleeps more than the average person, so please give him a bit more of patience.

Lastly, his weapon! His Parasol. Fylass has the ability to nullify magic of other users, but the only way he can do that is by using his parasol, by basically using it as a way to shoot red projectiles in form of magic bullets/waves that resemble sparks that paralyze you - these don't really harm you, and simply just disable your magic for a prolonged amount of time depending on how magic Fylass used to make the projectile.

Trivia:

Fylass is inspired by the story, The Little Match Girl, which consists of a poor girl freezing to death when she wasted all her matches, since each time she lit one up, she could see her dead grandmother giving her a candlelit dinner, with the grandmother being the Dream Team and Fylass being the girl.

Fylass' design is based on the Basilisk, a mythological creature that has the ability to paralyze the people it sees with its eyes to turn them into stone, paralleling the powers he has of disabling magic with his paralyzing attacks.

The kid is one of the main antagonists of my AU, being someone that wants to save Kirby, Bandee, Dedede and Meta Knight from a world ending threat, accidentally making things worse by trying to get rid of some of the friends he finds a huge hatred off.

He's adopted by Dedede! Not being the Prince of Dreamland but getting a dapper jacket, robes, and sweater from him!

He's one of the few remaining ancients currently alive at the moment.

The amount of hexagons that appear in the Kirby series are actually a reference to Fylass in the AU, being a presence always watching but unable to get to where Kirby is. That's why his rune has an eye.

Fylass is a direct reference and role of one of the Seven Deadly Sins, Wrath.

Enjoy!

[dreams-hopes-lies14]

some thoughts about the Doctor Odyssey mid-season finale:

I’m SO shocked that the writers had the balls to do this but I’m genuinely so glad because (although I think I’m in the minority) I always find a pregnancy storyline to be so interesting especially with how it can change up character dynamics

I’m not mad at Tristan x Vivian👀 HOWEVER, I think that Tristan is still in love with Avery (and also Max but doesn’t know it) AND VIVIAN DESERVES BETTER

Genuinely, I want to see more Vivian

We are in dire need of a Broadway episode!!!

okay so Tristan may also have some daddy issues that may have helped form his intense fear of abandonment (so now he has daddy issues with our resident daddy, Dr. Max Bankman🤭)

I hate how this “female dilemma” is currently being framed BUT I think (or hope) that the writers are doing this to set up the potential of both Max and Tristan being involved in helping out so Avery can also achieve all of her dreams because WITH THE RIGHT SUPPORT IT IS DOABLE

Avery is such a cynic who believes that joy is excruciating and I NEED her to talk about why that is (perhaps divorce trauma? childhood trauma?)

Avery definitely had ideas of a life with a white picket fence, but I think she’s more accepting that that might not be her fate compared to the boys but I don’t think she ever figured that having a kid doesn’t have to be in the context of a white picket fence

either way I support Avery’s right to choose! and I’m so glad that Tristan told her what she needed when Max was clearly freaking out

Max’s automatic reaction was to somehow make the pregnancy work while also helping Avery with her dreams and I can’t help but wonder why exactly he locked in on that assumption because I think it goes beyond the “I haven’t had this happen before”

So many themes of life coming to catchup with you even in so-called heaven and idk if I should buy into the heaven/afterlife/coma theories or if this is the writers saying “BUCKLE UP — REAL LIFE SHIT IS COMING AT YA SOON”

Reality always has a way of catching up to them so is it potentially Max’s reality of potentially still dealing with COVID (the theory) or is it that the throuple isn’t some sort of fantasy just as ALL three of them (yes, including Avery —especially Avery) has been treating it

The throuple can (and should imo) be rooted in reality, but right now, it’s being treated as a dream, an overindulgence, and a form of escape rather than as a real relationship where they have to constantly work on the interpersonal bonds amongst themselves AND their intrapersonal traumas

I’ll definitely have to rewatch the episode and I’ll watch it within the context of the previous episodes because I wanna look into more of the song motifs and themes throughout the show because I do think that this is a Ryan Murphy specialty

I also think the music could give us an indication of where they might go with the throuple, Tristan x Vivian, etc.

Overall, I know that some people may not like the trope, but I’m really really glad that they decided to go all in with this! I loved this episode and the fact that we’re seeing Avery being forced to confront something very very real that could potentially connect with her previous traumas

im also SO glad that the fanfic I have cooking that has some people from Max’s past fits in with the storyline (dare I say, even more so because it deals wit a childhood friend, and a previous teen pregnancy and how it affected Max’s life🤭)

[zaine-m]

what if instead of dying at the end Jayce and Viktor were reborn into the same world as babies and Vi and Caitlyn raised baby Jayce (with Ximena's help but she's getting older and is over the raising kids stage of life) and Viktor was raised by Ekko and the firelights.

They'd have playdates where Viktor could show off all the cool stuff the firelights are making and play on the hoverboards.

Viktor could get actual healthcare and not develop a terminal illness at 30 + hopefully having less chronic pain from being taught how to use mobility aids correctly

But he still has a lot of the same repressed feelings of inferiority that he can't really explain

Caitlyn still mourning Jayce and lil' Jayce comes up to her, asking her what she's sad about, "I just miss an old friend" "oh I'm sorry, but the good thing is you can always make new friends, like me :D"

Vi totally taking on the role of irresponsible father whenever they're left alone together

*them walking back from dinner* Jayce: "look an ice cream shop!"

Caitlyn: "No, we just ate and we have-"

Vi: "ICE CREAM!"

Cait: "Vi, no, we have food at home"

Vi: "oh look at all the flavours they have"

Jayce: "pleaseeee"

Cait: "No, both of you" *dragging them both by their wrists*

Both Viktor and Jayce get occasional dreams/nightmares about their old lives but they all decide it's better to wait till they're older to tell them what happened

There's a lot of Jayce waking up in the middle of the night screaming and Viktor showing up at Ekko's bed in the middle of the night saying he had a bad dream

Jayce sees Ximena as a grandmother figure and she's really sad to die without seeing him fully grow up but also glad that he didn't die before her

Jayce also can't understand why Caitlyn's dad fucking hates him

Tobias tries not to hold everything that happened against the kid but it's hard. He's still Jayce who decided to experiment with dangerous materials that almost blew up his daughter and killed his wife

Viktor loves growing up with the firelights

Ekko takes him under his wing to teach him a bunch about science and inventing

together they build a modified hoverboard so Viktor can ride it easier (it looks pretty similar but is made to be sat on side saddle style)

Viktor does a lot of research on how to treat various illnesses that show up in the firelights and some work on making undercity more accessible

When he gets to age 15 he starts thinking more about his dreams

He doesn't connect the end of the world dreams to his commune dreams because he also has a lot of random nightmares so he believes these are prophetic visions of what a better world could look like

Eventually after a lot of planning he shows Ekko his designs and Ekko just stares back in shock before deciding it's time to tell Viktor the truth

Ekko confiscates all his research while telling Viktor that he believes he's a good kid who just wants to help people but that this path is dangerous

Viktor is reasonably really thrown off and immediately goes to topside to talk to Jayce about it

Ekko gets into a bit of an argument with Cait and Vi because they hadn't been planning on telling him yet but Ekko really didn't have a choice

They tell them all about Hextech and go to their old lab along with Jayce's first lab

it's a pretty weird thing to find out that you had a full life before your current one and that you bonded incredibly deeply with someone whose only been a casual friend so far

They still don't fully understand a lot and only have bits and pieces of their old lives from dreams they've happened to remember

When they're 18 they decide to get a dorm together and study at the academy

They both keep dreams journals that they'll occasionally go over together

they become incredibly close, it feels like they've been working together their entire lives

one night they both dreams of their final scene together, holding the first hexcrystal as the world collapses around them and they wake up, looking into each others eyes and Jayce says "I remember"

Viktor gets up from his bed and stops Jayce as he reaches out for his dreams journal, he hold his hand and looks deep into his eyes until Jayce pulls lightly on his hand, inviting him into bed

Jayce pulls the blankets around Viktor and cradles his body just like he did in his dream. "You're perfect"

"you... loved me," Viktor responds

[dropintomanga]

Neighborhood Story - A Special Chapter on Living Life with Color

As a fan of Ai Yazawa's Paradise Kiss, I couldn't help but pick up its prequel, Neighborhood Story. I've enjoyed reading about Mikako Koda and her feelings for her childhood friend, Tsutomu Yamaguchi. I'm glad it won the award for Best New Edition of a Classic Manga at the 2024 American Manga Awards. Neighborhood Story is a work where you really see what Yazawa was all about before NANA.

There's one particular side story in the volume 3 omnibus that I really enjoyed because it went into how hard it is to be accepted when you're bit too cool for the crowd and why trying to fit in isn't always the best idea.

Before the current story, Mikako attended a junior high school where she repeatedly violated the dress code. Her dreams of being a full-on fashion designer were in full swing during her 2nd year. She catches the attention of the class president, Sanae Seto. Seto admires Mikako, but lives a life where she just follows the crowd. She hesitates to speak up as needed and responds to people in ways that suit them.

Seto has a dream of being a shojo novelist and writes in her spare time. However, she's afraid of showing off her work in fear that she'll be made fun of. This is in contrast to Mikako, who shows off her style of fashion with full confidence much to the distress of the school faculty. Mikako gets bullied for her rebellious behavior while Seto doesn't.

Seto doesn't understand how Mikako doesn't seem to mentally break from all the bullying and someone tells her.

"She's already found the most important thing in the world to her, and her conviction in it is unshakeable."

Bullying is still a major problem in schools today and adults continue to fail children on how to face it. So what if there really isn't any help? What can kids do? One can do what Mikako does and that's to live your life. Don't bully back and don't retaliate. Practice confidence and stay connected to people who genuinely care about you. Mikako does all of these things. When Mikako gets bullied after coming back from a suspension, Seto tries to stand up for her. Seto's classmates try to tell her that it's none of her business to stand up for Mikako. Mikako responds with conviction by pouring water from a vase onto one of her bullies for picking on Seto (I did say don't retaliate, but only if you're the main target. You do have to stand up for your friends instead of being a bystander).

However, those solutions aren't enough. After Seto comes over to Mikako's house and sees how lively she is compared to at school, the two stopped connecting during their third year. It turns out Mikako wasn't going to school at the start because her behavior really disturbed the school culture. Mikako felt that she was too restricted in how she wanted to express herself in school.

Seto realized that it's not easy to care about what people think about you or be free for that matter. She admits that she was jealous of Mikako because compared to her, her life seemed dull. Seto also says something when going through a life change that made her move away to another school,

"Still, I had a new mold to fill. So I changed my color and shape to fit in perfectly there. That's how most of us live our lives. It makes things easier."

To be fair, sometimes, this is necessary. But being just a singular color is limiting. You're surviving, but not exactly thriving. And the connections you make by trying to fit into a cog aren't necessarily the best. Do they value the same things you do? That may not be true. When there's an overwhelming majority that's you're totally not align with and only enjoying being a part of it due to the benefits you get, you start to have some cognitive dissonance when you run into someone who makes you question what you're doing.

Seto finally realizes this after Mikako sends her off with a parting gift in the form of cute eyeglasses and a letter thanking her for being a friend during a tumultuous time in junior high. Mikako expresses her desire to get through junior high despite the bullying because of Seto. Seto then decides to chase her dream of being a shojo novelist. At the end of the chapter, a now award-winning future novelist Seto (who's in high school) decides to write about her experiences with Mikako as her potential debut novel.

When you're all by yourself and not feeling connected to what's really important to you, you can fall into black or white thinking. You're falling into a one-color scheme. I sometimes see this happening with youth who struggle to deal with uncertainty in their lives. That's why it's important to show them the varieties of people they can meet and experiences they can find that can change their perspective for the better. School is important, but it is black and white as hell and its lessons don't apply to what actually matters in real life. Seto was a victim of this until Mikako entered the picture.

Seto says a very profound thing in the end as she begins to write her story.

"As my fingers struck the keys, the emotions that poured from my heart were so colorful."

I feel that this side story chapter in Neighborhood Story was also about embracing the diversity of emotions and how important they are to make us connected to those we value in our lives. This applies to both Seto and Mikako. After all, there's a reason why life is more than just black and white. It's colorful, good and bad. Dreams and communities that are truly welcoming are full of color. Embrace the rainbow because colors are the smiles of nature.

[proto-jenna]

Been seeing a lot of Rayman headcanon posts, so I thought I'd share mine. This is about his world, and a few characters within it.

First off, every game is essentially a new universe. When the current god entity of the universe dreams, those dreams manifest into reality. Each dream is different from the last, but often similar. Similar enough that Rayman returns every time, but not necessarily everyone or everything else. Each time the universe changes, some things go missing, some things are added, and a lot of things change. None of the characters know this, and they go from game to game, universe to universe, blissfully unaware that anything changed.

For example, Rayman knows Betilla in R1. But in R2 Polokus dreams that Betilla is now Ly, and as far as Rayman remembers, she was always Ly. R3 rolls around, and Rayman has no recollection of either of them because they don't exist in that universe (I don't count Ly's statue easter egg, unless we're trying to make sense of Razorbeard's easter egg too). In Origins, suddenly Betilla's back and it's like she was there the whole time, now she's the one who created Rayman. Ly becomes a forgotten dream, someone nobody was sure ever existed.

Similarly, Polokus and the Bubble Dreamer are different iterations of the same god-entity whose dreams define the world. In R1 and RRR, the god-entity's dream didn't give itself a physical form, and instead is the world itself... or the heart of the world. I also think the god-entity intentionally avoided having a physical form to avoid the wrath of the rabbids.

In R3, the god-entity takes a low-profile physical form that no one would suspect: Mawpaws! Think about it, they can fly to seemingly anywhere, they're big and majestic, sparse and mysterious, and they're always magically there to pick you up if you fall (except for the final boss, which has the ONLY death pit in the entire game). I don't have any evidence for this one, I'm just Mawpaw-kin so I had to include this somewhere in here XD

On a related note, there is a canon connection between Rayman's world and our world, thanks to RRR2. I think Polokus and the Bubble Dreamer are also direct connections to our world, in that they are representations of the dev team; the irl people who literally dream up Rayman's world and make it a reality.

I also think the Magician(s) in Origins/Legends is another iteration of the Magician from R1. Initially I thought he might be another version of Mr Dark, but both the final and scrapped plot don't really support that. I think the Ales Mansay version of the Magician is just a teensie now. Why? Because the Bubble Dreamer dreamed it, and as far as anyone remembers, he was always a teensie. And also probably for the same reason that all playable characters besides Rayman and Globox are teensie re-skins in Origins; because the dev team focused their time and money on making levels, environment art, and fluid controls rather than fleshing out the world and its inhabitants... er, I mean because the Bubble Dreamer only had so much mental energy to dream, and spent it all on the world itself so all friendlies are teensies now.

I think a lot of friend characters don't show up after their debut game because they're never dreamt of again in the constantly changing universe. I think the Bubble Dreamer is always dreaming new things, so inevitably some dreams end up forgotten. In the same way that devs were probably encouraged to come up with new whimsical worlds and creatures to inhabit them with each new game, rather than bringing every minor character back over and over. All of this to say that Uglette and the Globox kids were forgotten dreams, since she was cut from the final game.

Which means, in Origins/Legends, Globox and Rayman are lovers. Sorry, I don't make the rules. They share the same conception of life in polite society, their taste in music, dance, and the arts in general. A friendship grew to legend, and a legend grew to myth. Nothing could keep these two apart. No one gets THAT close to someone without exploring each other's bodies, come on.

[esmereldapearl]

OKAY, FINALLY DOING THE AU THING BUT AS BULLET POINTS;

The Hamilton AU:

- Janus found Virgil randomly and adopted him

- Logan was kinda a lawyer

- Remus worked overseas/wasn’t pictured much but it was mentioned he might’ve been serving in the military or somethin’

- Patton and Roman were friends

- Roman was married to someone else, a woman, who would help hide him and she had a daughter from a pervious relationship so he stepped into the dad role for her

- Logan was more of the “you did WHAT?” kind of guy and I forget who did what but they needed a lawyer and Patton found him and he was just like ..*sigh* why… (could’ve sworn it was Roman or Virgil)

- Janus took care of Virgil and was his dad and was protective

- I listed to Satisfied a lot and it became Roman’s song (basically)

- -100/10 I’m afraid of judgement although it was interesting

(This one was created in like late 2020 so judge my past self, not my current self please, I know it’s awful already)

Fantasy;

- ALL TIME FAVORITE AU

- Basically, everything that has happened in Sanders Sides did actually happen here

- There was this door at the very edge of the imagination (imagination is like this cool garden)

- When you go through it there’s this new world with like Dragons and waterfalls and mountains

-In the AU, there’s a person who is part dragon and has wings but is human and she hides from everyone cuz she’s scared

- Then it turns out that her own brother who’s not part dragon is totally against her and betrays her and the entire world there so she has to finally talk to someone

-She gets Roman and he relays it and everyone’s like “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US SOONER????” towards her (there’s a lot of what the hell moments in my AUs)

- 8/10 love this one because of how pretty the other world was

This one was created summer of 2021 and 90% created while I was swinging and spacing out

Mystery/Secret/Split AU;

- This one I still sometimes incorporate into current ones!

-Basically, at one point, the light sides and dark sides were friends and all lived in the same area- no need for travel they were all there

- Janus and Patton were both the leaders of them

- Then they started arguing and it all broke into two- Janus being the leader of the Darksides and Patton the light sides

- They were all young when it happened but Remus and Roman remembered playing together and sharing a room as kids

- That area was abandoned

- Then, Roman and Virgil are messing around (present) and find this secret door and open it by stealing Patton’s keys

- Annnnnddd it shuts behind them and they’re stuck but they’re intrigued by what’s there so they look around

- There was a bookshelf, Logan’s, and it was all dusty and cobwebbed

- They keep looking and find Roman and Remus’s old room and remember EVERYTHING

- They get VERY angry

- Meanwhile, everyone’s like “uhh where’d they go??” And Patton realizes that his keys aren’t in his nightstand anymore and Janus scolds him

- Everyone’s trying to lie to Thomas as to why Roman and Virgil aren’t there (a lot of the lies coming from Remus) and he starts to get suspicious

- Roman eventually realizes that the imaginations connect and Patton comes out and realizes what happened

- 10/10 still use it and still like it

Was created also in 2021 but more like fall of 2021 after I had a dream and went HUH THATS COOL I CAN CHANGE SOME PARTS (dream was weird, Roman and Virgil were getting hit by these two kids with like water balloons and then they chased the kids and then Roman threw one back at the kids and they went inside and NOBODY was there and they were freaked out)

I really hope that these don’t like upset anybody- I’ve been timid to share them for that reason, especially the Hamilton one, so I already know there’s some “…” parts but I don’t make AUs like those anymore anyway- but I think I’ll start posting more recent fanfics that I hope to make in order to get better at writing

[nobodyssoldier]

i. a web weaving

what does it mean to drown? first, in the water of a womb from which the prodigal son, the better man, has already come forth. second, in dark corridors and unspoken understandings; ' i am fortunate to be born and i am born to feel afraid '. third, and most violently of all, the tumultuous current of a mother’s love misshapen and twisted into something expectant and ugly. a predator lying in the long grass. nothing i do is good, and nothing i do is good enough. 

ii. digging deeper

name: regulus arcturus black

age: 23

former house: slytherin

blood status: pureblood

face claim: archie renaux (ask for alternatives)

allegiance: undecided

gender & pronouns: utp

you lose count of your hauntings. you were a ghost from your first breath to your last. a shadow of something better and brighter. an apparition lurking in dark corners. you were your mother’s son in all the ugly ways that mattered, and it was for that reason that she could not stand to look at you. she could not stomach her shortcomings laid bare. but still, you tried.

you became part of something bigger. you filled in the heir-shaped spaces after he left. you did everything right. you fed yourself on scraps of good will until you were strong enough to make them see you — to show him and them that you were not him, and by virtue of not being him, you were worthy. you were better. but it wasn’t true — was it? and if you do not do well, sin is lurking at the door.

in the mirror, and on the surface of the water, an unwanted boy stared back at you with eyes like void. he did not smile. his wrongness hung off him like hand-me-down clothes. all you ever had was longing, but longing felt too intimate, too pretty a word to describe the hunger in you for something, anything, to imbue you with purpose. you were an absence. you lacked, and because you lacked, you wanted. you moved through the world as though you were atlas, chained by leash and collar to the weight and veracity of your own desire. and when those chains were severed by teeth and claws, alone in the cold, dark, water, you welcomed the bite. only when your lungs were starved of air were you able to finally breathe. but peace eternal was just another in a line of false promises. welcome home, second son. vagabond. even now, no matter how desperately you tug at your chains, you cannot run from yourself. 

iii. connections

one. SIRIUS BLACK , brother —  all that i did to try to undo it. all of my pain and all your excuses. i was a kid, but i wasn't clueless (someone who loves you wouldn't do this). all of my past, I tried to erase it, but now i see, would i even change it? might share a face and share a last name but (we are not the same, same).

two. ANDROMEDA TONKS, cousin (and lifeline) — so it's better if you were on your way. if you were somewhere far from me. so you could dream i turned out well and i, i could just go to sleep.

three. TEDDY LUPIN , unlikely friend & confidant — when not a thing i held was true but you were kind to me and you reminded me that the world is not my playground. there are other things that matter.

[ilargizuri]

Stark Timeline in TWOW

Okay, I am still working on my "Three in One" - theory it is just that I have to write a Part of the Theory where Daeny comes into play and I really don't like her Chapters that much. So I tend to avoid reading them, which now comes back at me, because I have to find my "Quotes" for my reasoning and it is difficult when you know they were written you just don't remember where!

So I read all of Daenerys's Chapters again and they are as boring and frightening as they were during my first read. I know why I avoid them, not even the Others are that scary to me. So after I am now done with the Astapor Part in ASOS I needed something to cheer me up, sorry when you have to reread the Death Sentence for children who even look over twelve, because I doubt the Unsullied checked the Age by asking their victim for their Age, even then, most would have lied only to survive. But yes after that I needed something that is uplifting to me.

So I checked some of the Hashtags which I follow and stumbled upon @agentrouka-blog Resurrection theory about Jon being in a magical Coma. First thank you for that Hashtag it really cheered me up.

So I wondered how will everything work for the Stark Kids in the North. So I made a Timeline with that Theory in my Head.

I will start with the Reason why I think that could happen. 1. GRRM said Daenerys's Fire-Sacrifice to awaken the Dragons was a once in a Lifetime Event 2. When Mirri Maaz Duur actually killed Drogo's Horse she was not supposed to resurrect him but to save him from a guaranteed Death so seeing something similar with a different outcome is more likely to happen than a Funeral-Resurrection 3. I don't think Shireen will be killed for him, mostly because if Shireens Death will happen as a Sacrifice that is pointless, don't ask me why but I have a feeling Shireen's sacrifice will be more important to Melissandres Story than to Jon's. 4. We know enough about the Magic of the Lord of Fire, it is time that we see a little more about Bran's and Bloodravens Magic and the Magic of the Children of the Forest a.k.a. the Magic of the Old Gods. Beyond Time-Travel I mean. 5. Melissandre will leave the North at some Point and travel South, it is possible that she joins Euron during his War. I mean if we can believe the Vision of Aeron during the Sample Chapter, there will be a woman who is connected to Fire by Eurons Side at some Point and Daenerys is still not in Westeros and most likely won't be until a Dream of Spring, which leaves Cersei and Melissandre to be that Woman. So if Cersei is Eurons opponent for the Iron Throne, that leaves Melissandre for that Role.

So now to the timeline: Let's start with Jon, first he wargs into Ghost and somehow escapes his prison in Jon's Chambers. He finds his Body in the chaos that is currently happening and realizes, he is not dead yet, but he will be if he doesn't find someone who takes care of his Body. So he gets Melissandre who with the Help of some of Jon's Friends who are still alive in the Books and at the Wall with him. takes care of his Body. She KNOWS that Jon's Body is alive, but she pretends that he was dead and that she brought him back with the Help of the Lord of Light. In the Meantime Jon switches between his Body where he can hear Bran's Voice in his Head and has weird Dreams and Ghost's Body. At some point, he wakes up and thanks to some Bloodmagic, for which Melissandre used one of his Eyes, his Body is better healed than normally. But he still needs time for recovering.

Okay to Sansa who has at least 3-4 Chapters in the Vale, where the Tournament takes Place. In the end, it is most likely that she realizes that Littlefinger wants to marry her himself, most likely after she and Harry married and she is pregnant with his Child. She decides that she has finally enough of that bullshit, that she won't marry another old man (remember she found Lord Beric Dondadrrion old and he was only 22 in the Books by that time) and will head towards the North, to the Wall where Jon is. She will travel via Boat over the three Sisters to White Harbour where she will get her dying Horse and meet with Jon somewhere between Castle Black and Winterfell, most likely Queenscrown. Important to note: We have very bad Weather Conditions for travelling, so by the Time Sansa makes it that far into the North, many weeks probably Months have passed. So Jon is most likely so far healed that he can travel to Winterfell.

Davos will most likely find Rikkon halfway through TWOW and decide not to travel back to White Harbour via boat, because for safety reasons, the Sea is too dangerous for safe travel, especially with a Child like Rikkon. So he instead takes Rikkon to the Wall and travels with him and Osha to Castle Black and from there towards Winterfell. He will be behind Jon, but they will meet the two eldest Starks somewhere near Queenscrown, most likely because Jon takes Sansa on his own Horse because her Horse did die. Rikkon won't recognize Jon or Sansa because he was to young when they parted. But Shaggy Dog will remember Ghost, which is the Reason that Rikkon will ultimately accept Jon and Sansa as his Siblings, although reluctantly.

The three Starks arrive at Winterfell, now to the Reason why Jon started to travel there. It is because of Galbart Glover, Maege Mormont, Howland Reed and Jeyne Westerling who not only brought Robb's Will with them but also Ned Starks Bones, who they want to burry in the Crypts of Winterfell. They started to Travel to Winterfell when they heard that Stannis defeated the Boltons.

The following Events I think will be like that: Jon refuses to accept Robb's Will because he knows Robb wrote that believing that Bran and Rikkon are dead. They are not and he won't take away their Birthright. During or after Ned Starks Funeral Howland Reed tells Jon about his Mother and that he is the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, supposedly in Secret, but he is overheard and the Story makes the round.

The Lords want to punish him simply for being a Targaryen Bastard (we are talking about Howland Reed, he knows about Lyanna having a Baby and the Whole World believes she was kidnapped and raped by Rhaegar as we learned in AGOT, just because Howland KNOWS about Jons Birth and who his Parents are, doesn't mean he knows if or if not they were married) and now Rikkon comes into play, that Boy has a serious Trauma about his whole Family being killed and/or leaving him behind. There is no way a Child-Lord like that will allow to happen anything against the Person everyone told him until now is his Brother, even if he doesn't remember him, Shaggydog trusts him and Sansa, so Rikkon will not allow anything to happen to Jon. But the Lords in the North won't trust him, a Targaryen Bastard supposed deserter of the Nights Watch.

Now Sansa comes into play, because not only is she a very compassionate character, but Jon also is in a similar position as she was during her time in Kings Landing, which will be the Reason she and Jon start a connection beyond their relationship of Foster-Siblings.

As for Bran, I think he still is in the Cave under the Weirwood Tree in the North for most of the time and the "Hold the Door" - Moment comes when he arrives at the Wall with the Others and their undead Army who follow him. The Door, Hodor is meant to be holding is there and most likely he will succeed and prevent the Others from invading Westeros before they do so in A Dream of Spring, when the North defeats them for good this time.

So that is how I think the Envents in TWOW will happen around the Starks Kids, except for Arya. I think she will arrive at Winterfell together with Bran which will be in A Dream of Spring, her Storyline is about returning to Westeros meeting up and defeating her undead Mother and then starting her Journey back to Winterfell.

[darsynia]

📓

Send me a book emoji in my ask box and I'll describe a story I've never written but dreamed about!

A Tony Stark/OC kidfic where Tony has a special agreement with the government after HYDRA's infiltration is discovered, where everything is run through a program that cross-references the HYDRA files just in case there's a connection.

In 2016 he gets a hit: a DNA match after a paternity test that shows the child is HIS. But why is HYDRA involved? And... he has a kid??

When he shows up at the house, so does a HYDRA goon who tries to kidnap the 8 year old girl--except she massively outsmarts the guy with booby traps and robots in her room. Which is adorned with Captain America stuff. Also, he's never met her mother before...

Over the course of trying to protect the kid and her mother, it's discovered that Tony and she had attended the same MIT conference and stayed at the same hotel. HYDRA agents drugged both of them and impregnated her after obtaining sperm from him. Their goal had been to exploit Tony's death in Afghanistan according to Stane's contract, but to flip the script on Stane by showing that they had an heir, meaning that Stane was at their mercy unless he played ball with all their schemes.

When Tony survived, they laid low and let the woman assume her pregnancy was just a mixup with her current partner. Then SHIELDRA went down and the project went under deep cover, until now.

The story would eventually result in Tony bonding with his kid and falling for her mother (who I was writing to be half South Asian, with help from a few friends of that ancestry). If you think about it, ALL of Civil War is about family, found and otherwise, and the theme of Tony being an actual dad would have changed things for him. The final scene would have been the kid using the miniature Iron Man suit he'd built for her to follow Steve and Bucky because she'd studied their historical counterparts and is certain she can smoothe things over with her dad and her favorite superhero.

I chickened out because of the weight of writing a POC OC, if I'm honest! I just don't think I can do it right enough. I'm also pretty anti-kidfic lately after parenting struggles, so this one may remain in the memory banks.

It's called Because Love Battles, after a Pablo Neruda poem:

And because love battles not only in its burning agriculture,  but also in the mouth of men and women,  I'll end challenging the path  of those who between my chest and your fragrance  want to interpose their obscure figure.

About me, nothing worse they will tell you, my love, than what I told you. What more can they tell you? I am neither good nor bad, but a man. ~Love Battles, by Pablo Neruda

[hollymbryan]

Blog Tour: Top 5 Reasons to Read DON’T ASK IF I’M OKAY by Jessica Kara!

Welcome to Book-Keeping and my stop on the TBR and Beyond Tours blog tour for Don’t Ask if I’m Okay by Jessica Kara! I’ve got all the details on this gorgeous contemporary book below, along with my top 5 reasons to read this one, so let’s go!

About the Book

title: Don’t Ask if I’m Okay author: Jessica Kara publisher: Page Street Kids release date: 16 May 2023

Heartfelt and bittersweet, this coming-of age story explores the tender space of healing where grief meets love

A year ago, Gage survived a car accident that killed his best friend, Hunter. Without the person who always brought out the best in him, Gage doesn’t know who he is. He likes working as a fry cook and loves his small-town friends and family, but they weren’t in the wreck and he can’t tell them how much he’s still hurting. He just wants to forget all his pain and move on.

So when his stepdad shows him a dream job opening in one of his idol’s restaurants, Gage knows this is his chance to convince everyone and himself that he’s fine. To try to push past his grief once and for all, Gage applies for the job, asks out a crush, and volunteers to host a memorial for Hunter.

But the more Gage tries to ignore his grief, the more volatile it becomes.

When his temper finally turns on the people he loves, Gage must decide what real strength is—holding in his grief until it destroys him, or asking for help and revealing his broken heart for all to see.

Content Warning: Loss of friend, PTSD, toxic masculinity

Add to Goodreads: Don’t Ask if I’m Okay Purchase the Book: Amazon | B&N | Bookshop.org

About the Author

Jessica Kara is a professional author and artist. With a BFA in technical theatre, she worked as a stage manager for eight years in regional theatres and on several national tours. Eventually she left the business to focus on writing, which has always called. She has served as President of her local writing organization, Authors of the Flathead, and is a member of the Society for Children’s Book Writers & Illustrators. She frequently speaks at local conferences, schools, and college classes, striving to inspire a new generation of writers to pursue their passions.

Jess has indie-published a young adult fantasy series featuring gryfon characters, and is excited to now dive into the pool of contemporary young adult fiction. She currently resides in northwest Montana with her husband, spends her time staring at the mountains, drinking a lot of coffee, dreaming up things and people, and chirping back at birds.

Her stories, whether fantastic or contemporary, are “noblebright” at their core, woven with a spirit of determined hope, belief in the power of kindness, and the faith that good will overcome.

Connect with Jessica: Website | Twitter | Instagram | Goodreads | Facebook

Top 5 Reasons to Read

Every once in a while a book comes along that you didn’t realize you needed in your life, and had no idea how much it would affect you, until you read it. In 2021, that book for me was What Beauty There Is by Cory Anderson, and this year it is absolutely THIS BOOK. Here are my top 5 reasons to read Don’t Ask if I’m Okay:

1. It’s the most honest, unflinching, tender exploration of grief I’ve read in a long time. 

2. It’s also an honest and unflinching look at toxic masculinity, how it can mess up our young boys, and how hard they must fight to escape it.

3. It has quite possibly the single best portrayal of a father figure (stepdad) that I’ve read in any YA novel, ever. Seriously, Jack -- I adore you with my whole heart.

4. It’s such a beautiful portrayal of teen friendship, especially between teen boys, and a recognition of how hard it can be for them to lean on each other, even when friends are there to catch them (which holds true for adults, as well!).

5. It’s a book that will rip your heart out, leaving you sobbing and snotty at midnight, and then patch it back together, leaving you smiling through your tears at 1:00 a.m. (this may or may not reflect my actual experience, lol).

I don’t want to say much more so as to avoid spoilers, but I will say this: I lost my sister to domestic violence 15 years ago this past January, and I STLL struggle with grief. Jessica Kara’s portrayal of grief as a circular progression from dark to light and back to dark again (ad infinitum) is so incredibly accurate that I was vigorously nodding along as I read. When Gage says that death isn’t a one-time loss but rather a new loss every time you wake up in the morning, every time something good happens and you want to run and tell the person who’s no longer with you, only to remember they’re gone...ugh. I was pregnant with my first and only child when my sister was killed, and I distinctly remember the day I walked in the house after work and he kicked for the first time and my first thought was, “oh my god, I have to call Krissy!” -- only to remember that wasn’t possible and that she would never know her nephew. 

I say all this to say, this book GETS IT. Ms. Kara GETS GRIEF. If you have a family member or friend struggling with grief and you don’t know what that’s like, read this book. If you are struggling with grief and you want some help healing or some validation that your own feelings are normal, READ THIS BOOK. I cannot recommend this highly enough, I’m honored to have read it, and it will go down as The Special Book of 2023 for me. I hope you’ll pick this one up, and please do let me know your thoughts. And if you ever want to talk about grief, or depression, or pain, or whatever, please know my DMs are open. “Lone wolves die alone.”

RATING: 5 stars! (I know this is not technically a review, but I couldn’t leave this off!)

**Disclosure: I received a copy of this book from the publisher for purposes of this blog tour.

Check out the Bookstagram tour too! You can find my post here, and the full schedule is here.

[winxngasks]

Winx Club Next-Gen AU: Andy's Kids

FINALLY!!! After working on this project here-and-there over the past 3 years, I finally finished up the last of the bios I had planned! I did not mean to take so long to get through all of these AU kiddos, but since I had both a long list and other projects + irl stuff to focus on, it took me longer than I would have liked. But, all the bios are finished now, so hopefully this means I can actually start working on some of my ideas for these guys! :3

To focus back on Andy's kids here, Andy was another character I wanted to include in the AU, but like the last couple of posts I had no particular ship in mind for him. As he is more of a minor character compared to the others, his kids will not have super big roles in the AU, but they will still have their connections to other characters. I hope you enjoy!

================================================

- The Kids:

* Dorian

. Age: 17

. Magic Title: none

. Physical Description: average height and build, short and slightly wavy brown hair, fair skin, dark brown eyes

. Bio: Oldest child and son of Andy, currently attending a regular public school in Gardenia. Though Andy never could rekindle his romance with Bloom as she stayed with Sky, he still remained good friends with her and they make it a point to spend time together whenever they can when Bloom comes back to visit Gardenia. Andy himself continued performing with his band, with them eventually becoming quite successful in the professional music industry for many years before taking a break to focus on their families. Dorian is the oldest of Andy's sons, and the one that seems to take after him the most in terms of personality. He is a friendly and sensible young man, just trying to get through school the best he can while still making time to hang out with his friends. As he has lived in Gardenia all his life he has little experience with the Magical Dimension or magical beings, but he has met Bloom's daughter, Adara, on a few occasions and is good friends with her. He is also good friends with Roxy's daughter, Grace, and Selina's twins, Ronald and Isla, but as the three are currently attending schools in the Magical Dimension he has not had the chance to speak or hang out with them in a long time. While he has a natural affinity for music like his dad and younger brother, he is not sure about pursuing a career in it in the future, as he is currently just focused on getting through the rest of high school.

* Lucas

. Age: 14

. Magic Title: none

. Physical Description: average height(shorter than his brother) with a lean build, short black hair with fluffy bangs that are dyed a dark teal color, fair skin, light brown eyes

. Bio: Youngest child and son of Andy, currently attending a regular public school in Gardenia. Lucas is seemingly a lot more confident than his older brother with a tendency to be quite brash and smug, as he has been more used to getting what he wants in life. This makes him pretty polarizing amongst his peers, as he does have a few friends but a lot of his classmates cannot seem to stand him when he starts acting out too much. When things don't go his way he gets pretty grumpy and can lash out, but he is trying to work on that as he realizes that he has to work on making his goals come true himself the more he gets older. Inspired from both his love of listening to music and his dad Andy's career as a musician, Lucas has big dreams of stardom as he wishes to be apart of how own successful rock band someday.

[oflostdrcams]

☆ –– (meghann fahy, she/her, cis woman) who is caroline davis anyways? ew. you don’t know about her, we’ll bet you want to. they’re feeling 30 and broadway karaoke feels like a perfect night to them. rumor has it they’re impulsive and melodramatic because they care, but they’re also extroverted and generous in the best way. she work to make a little money as a(n) singing waitress/struggling broadway actress. they’ve rented on a place on cornelia street in the form of an apartment. back to december & you’re on your own kid is the song they could dance to the beat of forevermore. (tw: depression for some of the bio!)

Basics:

Name: Caroline Rose Davis

Nickname(s): Care, Cara

Birthday: August 18th 1993

Age: 30

Sexuality: pansexual

Occupation: waitress at Ellen's Stardust Diner & (about to be) current swing at Back to the Future

Positives: creative, generous, resilient, extroverted, idealistic, passionate

Negatives: impatient, melodramatic, impulsive, obsessive

MBTI: ESFJ (consul)

Biography:

As soon as she could talk, Caroline was performing. She would sing, dance, do skits; anything it took to gather an audience.

Being the youngest and only girl of three, her parents had high hopes for her. They wanted her to go on and do something safe: be a teacher, in business, law, or event a doctor. To their disappointment, Caroline always had her heart set on one thing: Broadway.

When she was old enough, she planned to go straight to New York, but she made a deal with her parents first. She'd give college a chance, go for a year and see how she felt. If she still hoped to follow her dream to the city, they'd give their blessing.

The last thing she expected at this school was to fall in love.

When she felt met Theo Clark, she found him to be condescending. She'd been happily singing away and he had had no problem complaining that some people were trying to study. You know, for their serious majors like biology and not gen ed with a hint towards musical theatre.

Caroline hadn't expected to fall in love with him, but she did. Causing her to stick around college a bit longer than she'd planned.

Though as soon as she realized she was giving up her dreams for love, she told Theo and booked a one-way ticket. Surely he'd understand, right?

Unfortunately, the big apple wasn't all she hoped it would be. Sure, she loved getting to audition and be around like-minded people, but the yes's were few and far between. Causing her to rely heavily on her job as a waitress at Ellen's Stardust Diner.

After about a year in NY, auditioning her ass off, she started to slip into a pretty deep depression. She questioned her skills, herself, her dreams. Basically everything.

While she tried staying long distance with Theo, she soon became too wrapped up in her feelings of hopelessness and let him go. Does she think about it often and wonder how he is? Absolutely. Will she take the jump and contact him first? Eh, she's building up to it.

It took a lot more auditioning, and a shit ton of therapy, to get her back out into the world. Finally, two months before she turned 30, she booked more than just reading and background gigs and became an ensemble swing for Back to the Future. It gave her the much needed hope to go on and keep pushing!

Seven months of Back to the Future opened more audition doors for her and she most recently secured the role of one of the six merry murderesses of Cook County Jail in Chicago. Catch Caroline as 'Liz' (AKA 'Pop') every night.

Caroline has a slight problem with being serious. She'll go out and party, act like she's going with the flow, but be secretly struggling on the inside.

Very much definition of drunk girl in the club bathroom. A biiig girl's girl (which includes all. women.)

Possible/Wanted Connections:

Co-Workers at the diner!

Friends/Best Friends

Roommate(s)

Broadway Co-Stars/Crew

Flirtationships

One Night Stands

Competition/Frenemies

Everything???

Basically just let me and Caroline love you and your people!!!

hi! i'm alyssa! your friendly neighborhood mom friend! feel free to message me for anything your heart desires.

[ibringyouasong89]

I’m 33 going on 34 in less than a month. I work two part time jobs (because after graduating college with a BA in English Lit, could not get a full time in publishing - or ANY full-time job for that matter with no connections to promote an opportunity based on nepotism) and one of them is in retail...which is a terrible industry that is utterly inhumane that I have worked in for almost 11 years. I currently go to school for my Masters in Education...which I still have doubts about doing, long term wise, because of the state education is in both the state I wish to teach in and also for the country (in case you missed it - America) itself. Being in NYC, there is no shortage of teachers, and I wonder, ever day, how long it’ll take me to get a teaching job for the public schools...because this is, literally, the only state where the union and the pay are worthy for teachers to have and be a part of...everywhere else, including CA and NJ are shit, in terms of pay and union protection and benefits. 

I live with my mother, in my great-grandparent’s house that will turn a century old in two months...I literally live in the house that was built upon the foundation that was “The American Dream” and all I can hear, repeating in my ears, is George’s Carlin’s takeaway line of “You have to be asleep to see it.” I’m in my thirties, where most people I know are either married or getting engaged; pregnant for the first time, the second time, etc...or have a growing kid/children already...and I have no SO, no children, no stable-enough financial situation to have a house of my own someday, or even a car. My parents did not have city-based jobs, which guarantees a union where one can inherit a pension and still maintain benefits upon retirement. My father used his 401K, after getting fired due to the economic downturn post 9/11, to go and obtain a real estate license. Then the housing market bubble burst in 2008 and, well...we weren’t destitute (poverty has definitely taken on a different flavor since the 1930′s for most Americans), but let’s just say my grandparents were helping my mother to pay for most of the bills (including my tuition to keep going to school for all four of my academic years in high school).  I have had depression, on and off, for over 15 years and find it hard to take good care of myself on most days when I’m not feeling either lazy or too despondent to get up out of bed (FYI, I don’t know if it’s clinical or not...). I haven’t been on a vacation since 2014. I had dreams of traveling of the world, ever since I was small enough to understand what wonders existed in the world, and don’t think I’ll ever be able to travel to any of those places until I am, most likely, too old to do so. I don’t have a social life. I don’t really have any friends and can’t afford to go see the ones I barely maintain a connection with from childhood...as I was forced to move away from my hometown when my parents finally divorced after almost 30 years of a toxic relationship that I bore witness to...and I know loneliness is a choice, but so is having self-respect and not allowing yourself to fall into terrible relationships just so you can say you have someone. In all likelihood, I will never get married. I will never have children...and when I think on never having children, part of me realizes that I will grow old and not have anyone to take care of me as most of my family had no children of their own (and got old and died) or have no real relationship with me.  I may wind up a smelly corpse in a rundown apartment at some point or thrown into an abusive nursing home due to the state checking up on me. I also feel, in large part, a great sense of relief...because I will never have to bring into this world a child who will be financially burdened the way I am. I will never have a child who feels like a failure, like they were left behind by the society that promised them they could, and would, succeed...that, for the most part, denies that climate change is real. That if I married a man that was not of my own ethnocultural background, they would be discriminated against and made targets of by law enforcement or of the government. That if I had a daughter, and she traveled to one of the states where abortion is illegal, and was tragically raped and made pregnant, she would have to bear that pregnancy to fruition, despite the trauma and despair. That my son, if he was a member of the LGBTQ+ community, and was lovingly accepted at home, would not find that same reception in the rest of the nation he was born into and would also become a target...Or, if one of my children wished to go to Florida, and wanted to study African American history at their chosen university, they could not do so because of the new law that Ron DeSantis has just written and signed into effect. That there is an international war going on and that if my children were old enough, could be drafted into (and don’t tell me it can’t happen because IT HAS happened before. My father was drafted for ‘Nam. And though he went willingly, he never celebrated the fact that he was a vet...none of my family members that served EVER talked about their service and what they had seen, done, or heard during that time in their lives) and made to fight and kill innocent people for the sake of “democracy” (that is highly corrupt) and, if they made it out alive, would be scorned and forsaken by the very same government that asked them to fight for their nation with pride (ask Jon Stewart about it sometime).  That my children will never become subject to addiction of smart technology, social media, or any of the ways instant gratification and technology has shaped the lives of children that I see today in that they evolve to become computer compliant, but deficient in human social skills (and it started well before Covid, but the quarantine definitely made it worse).  That my children will never become hopelessly engaged with fentanyl or any of the opioids that so many children become hooked on, from young ages (even from the womb!) and wind up either tragically a part of a statistic for death or incarceration. That my children will never be forced into homelessness because of a devastating storm that washed away their homes and their livelihoods. That my would’ve-been-future daughter will never face the choice of having to wait her child dying within her womb and her body turning sceptic because her doctors could not give her an abortion (yes, this really happened in 2023).  That my son, if he wished to transition and become a woman, would not scorned by society, and would not be found wanting of healthcare to care for himself and his changing body.  That my children would not be forced to be placed under labels - no matter how conservative or progressive the ideology may be - that only furthers the lines of discrimination and divide within this country (even if the intention is the exact opposite - see Bill Maher about it sometime).  I will never have children who feel stifled by living with me because they can’t afford to live on their own...or feel that they are forgotten, let down, or left behind by the society that promised them they could succeed (no matter their race or gender).  I will never have children who ponder over the pointlessness of their existence because they can never fully enjoy life the way they were told to do so (and are constantly told to do so by people who don’t realize the limitations they are bound by, especially by a society that is run by the chrono-capitalist society they both revere and hate simultaneously). I am grateful I will never have children (if that is indeed my future) so that they never have to wind up as shooting victims, with pictures on full display on every news media outlet in the country. It’s not just the young...it’s also us adults (Millennials) who are expected to step up and take charge of society when the people who are in charge of it now step down.

[mymbios]

Born into a family with deep ties to organized crime, Alfie was raised in an environment where money was fast, rules were flexible, and the only real crime was getting caught. His father, Colin Lambert (58), was a well-connected fixer, smoothing over legal troubles for more powerful men, while his mother, Elaine (55), ran a string of high-stakes poker games under the guise of a private social club. His older brothers, Eddie (35) and Martin (32), followed in their parents’ footsteps without hesitation.

Even as a kid, he understood the mechanics of the family business, the way cash flowed in and out, debts were enforced, and favors were traded like currency. His talent for numbers made him useful—whether it was helping Eddie keep track of the earnings from a dodgy car reselling operation or spotting patterns in Martin’s bookmaking ventures. But unlike his brothers, Alfie had no taste for intimidation, no stomach for the violence that sometimes came with collecting debts. He saw what happened to people who got in too deep, the ones who lost everything, the ones his family had to make an example of.

Despite his reluctance to get involved, he wasn’t immune to the thrill of risk. In his late teens, Alfie started gambling heavily, partying until dawn, and getting in fights. When he wasn’t out partying, he was at the casinos, trying his luck at poker, blackjack, or anything that promised a win. He wasn’t just playing for fun, though—he was playing for control. Alfie had a knack for numbers, and that, combined with his ability to read people, led him down a path of counting cards at the casino. But the house always has a way of fighting back.

At 20, his skill caught up with him, and he found himself caught in a bind, being banned from casinos and on the verge of legal trouble. His father, Colin, swooped in to get him out of it—paying off debts and smoothing over the mess.

Things continued to get more serious for Alfie when he found out he was going to be a father. Her name was Emma, and though their relationship was short-lived, the moment he found out they were having a baby, something inside him shifted. His parents, especially his mother, were ecstatic about becoming grandparents. They had always talked about the joy of family, and suddenly, it wasn’t just a distant dream—they had a granddaughter on the way. Alfie wasn’t ready to be a father, but the news of his daughter’s impending arrival forced him to confront the reckless path he’d been on.

For the next few years, Alfie tried to juggle fatherhood with his chaotic lifestyle, but it wasn’t until his daughter, Sophie, turned four that he realized he couldn’t keep doing what he was currently doing. He knew if he didn’t get out, he’d either be working for his brothers or buried because of them. He knew he needed to change—for her, and for himself. It was then that he finally decided to clean up his act. He enrolled in a local college to study accounting. He understood money better than most people ever would. He knew how it moved, how it could be hidden, how it could ruin lives if mishandled.

Now, at 29, Alfie works as an accountant, mostly for small businesses—restaurants, construction companies, people trying to build something real. He specializes in cleaning up financial messes, making sure his clients stay above board, never letting them fall into the traps he grew up watching. His past still lingers—there are places in he avoids and debts that may never fully be forgiven.

Despite his serious demeanor, Alfie has a dry wit and a quiet charm that makes people trust him. He keeps his circle small, preferring the company of a few close friends rather than large crowds. His relationship with his daughter, Sophie, is his proudest achievement, and he works hard to show her that she’s his top priority. When he’s not buried in spreadsheets, he finds solace in strategy games, running, and cooking. He still loves poker, but now, he only plays for fun. No stakes, no risks, just the game.